Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
