you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
