I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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