I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
