I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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