I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
