I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
