you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
