You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
