I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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