brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
plz talk dirty to me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
