also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
