My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
