Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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