I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
