Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
