i think my mom watched the whole time
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
