your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
