Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
