Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.

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(631): View more from New York

She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.

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(650): View more from California

some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!

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(256): View more from Alabama

i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

dude how high are you right now?

(256): View more from Alabama

do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.

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(720): View more from Colorado

He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.

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(512): View more from Texas

the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.

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