I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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