Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How external is "for external use only"?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
