I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
