I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The power of my boobs compel you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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