I CAN MOONWALK!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
