Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
