I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
