Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
