i jhust puked up my retainher.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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