Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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