Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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