And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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