I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
