It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
