I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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