i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ttyl tear gas
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize