My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
