Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
