I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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