sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
