I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
