If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
