I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
