Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize