just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize