Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
