She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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