Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
