I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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