after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
