Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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