people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
