the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wear drunk well.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
