i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
