Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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