Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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