Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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