just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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