thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
