Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
