I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
