who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
