when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
