The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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