whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize