Yo dont text me then not text me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
