I wish I could teleport
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
